Words are meaningless tools that convey thoughts, especially when the subject you're trying to talk about is murder. So, I will stop using these barbarous symbols that we humans created, and just show you.
Here are elephants 15 years ago:
Here are elephants today:
Yes, my folk. They are being tortured, maimed, and slaughtered.
Feast your eyes upon the elephant in the room: The elephant that's so invisible to you, you've invented it into a phrase that allows you to sit complacently by while poachers rip tusks from their faces.
How would you like to have your teeth ripped from your face? It's happened to me before. My dentist was examining my teeth when he entered a seizure. And let me tell you, it hurts. There is little pain that comes close.
But unlike me, these elephants don't have parents who can legally squeeze the dentist office dry for their money after neglecting to mention a preexisting medical condition. That's where we need to come in.
My math teacher Mr. Odonte recently taught us how to do proofs and I love them. Let us do a mathematical proof regarding your lack of involvement in saving elephants:
1. If a cultural trend exists, it means that many individuals within the culture commit this trend.
2. A common trend in the modern United States is to not take action to save elephants.
3. Therefore, there are a lot of individuals not taking action to save elephants.
4. In 1692, it was a common trend to report and hunt people who were erroneously found to be witches.
5. Therefore, in 1692 there were a lot of individuals who followed the socially acceptable trend and burned witches.
6. Therefore, if you are an individual in modern America who ignores elephant genocides, then in 1692 you would have burned witches.
I'm sorry to have had to wield the force of irrefutable logic to make you wake up, but sometimes a cold shower in the face is the best way to get someone out of bed, my Mom used to tell my Dad pre-AA. If I don't say it, everybody else won't.
How do you stop poaching? Legislation. Awareness. Boycotting ivory. These are all terrible ideas because they take way too long and don't address the fundamental problem: The poachers.
In order to stop a predator, you have to beat them at their own game. I have devised a handful of easy-to-devise, low-budget Saw-style horrific scenarios we can lure poachers into so they can eat what they dish out. One involves some of the expensive dental equipment my family got in the lawsuit, after the dentists' office ran out of funds to pay their court-ordered repercussions to me. They're light-weight, easy to travel, and can pluck the nerve endings inside of humans' mouths like a fine-tuned harp. Time to play.
You're so into gay rights, but what about gray rights? If you took the time to read this blog, then shame on you for taking time to read this blog, when you could have been flying to Africa to save elephants, or in my case, begging my heartless parents for a ticket to Ethiopia. (It will happen soon. I'm doing a hunger strike and I'm already into day 7 and I feel awesome).
If you're not stampeding to save our big eared friends, then shame on you. Tusk tusk.
-Terri McGogo
